I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
