There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
