did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
