I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at about main and main street
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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