Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
