I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
