Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
