I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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