what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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