I am spending my child support on dildos
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
