Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
