apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
