Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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