Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
