And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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