it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
