Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
