and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
