He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
worst night to have a conscience
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
