Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
