I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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