Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
