Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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