Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
