your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
