remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
