In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
