Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
