The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
