She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just cropdusted the office
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
