Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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