The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
