so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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