where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
