I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
