So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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