You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
