Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We were destined to go to rehab together
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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