too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
