You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
