dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
