I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
