Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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