Hey man sorry I got all grabby
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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