My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
