There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
