My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
