Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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