It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
