my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
