We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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