Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
