Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
