So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
